YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR OWN

The story of this girl from my last post (re: the accidental lawyer. I choose not to disclose her identity) has struck me real hard. I guess because I am a parent, myself. It made me look in. How am I doing as a parent? How am I "imposing" it (my parenting) to my kids?

Before I became a mother, I had this ideal child in mind. I have envisioned the way I'm going to raise her (her.. yes, I have envisioned a daughter). Set up the rules and regulations that she's going to conform to. She's a human being given under my custody. I have to mold her right! What she will become will be a reflection of how good or bad parent I am. So, I was a little hard on my first born, my daughter. She was a victim of my standard of "perfection". That's why, I guess at one point, I might have not handled this little, fragile creature so very well. I'm afraid I might have caused some little bruises with her self-esteem everytime I push her to always do good especially with her studies (she's a consistent honor student). I plead guilty. So with my second born, I was more lenient.

Parents tend to mold their children according to their image and likeness. I hope we get to be reminded.. we are not gods.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable

(my precious kids, Denise and Nick)

THE ACCIDENTAL LAWYER

She stays out after dusk and goes home before dawn. Sunshine might be an unfamiliar glare for her. For the only shine that constantly gleams her sight are those from the street glows or the array of neon colors from bar lights. She goes partying every night with her friends. A flock with the same feathers like hers.

Energy gushes in and out of her soul. A fun-lover! A carefree spirit!.. Stifle her, or she'll wither.

She comes from a family which could have believed that they are dynasty of "Abogado de Campanillas". So her parents thought that she must be raised to be one. Going to Law school was imposed on her.

Being a lawyer may be in her blood, yet it was not implanted in her heart. She scorns the very thought of it. But wanting to please her parents, she went to Law School .. not knowing that it will start to gnaw her life.

She studied in the top Law School of the land. These four years in law school devastated her. She was compelled to do something she hates. No more partying. No more fun. "I don't belong in this place", she thought. Like a tropical species uprooted and forced to survive in North Pole.

Wanting to please her parents, she went on and finished Law. At last, all her agony is paying off... But then, she failed the Bar exam.

She fell into deep depression. She cannot disappoint her parents this way. So, all her remaining ardor, she tried the bar exam the second time.This time she passed. But just to realize that her real agony is just starting.

How can she handle her first case? What if she loses? She cannot displease her mom and dad that way! She realized, from that day onward, her life should be spent in winning cases. And she realized, from that day onward, she will be leading a life she detests. A life to please. A life in possession by other people..Then she decided to just end it all and took her own life. A life that is not already hers, anyway.

She was stifled. And she withered.

Peñafrancia Fiesta

photo credit: tonyo (aquing ritratista)

Bicolanos have this undying devotion to the Nuestra Señora de Peñafrancia, our "Ina". Millions of devotees come to Naga to celebrate the fiesta. Bukas bisperas na! And by this time, I'm sure the merry making is now at its peak. I was supposed to go home for fiesta, but I have to re-sched my 'homecoming' for another time (maybe this christmas). It's been a long while now. I miss going home for fiesta.. Or could it be, I simply miss HOME right now? I don't know. I guess I'm having the symptoms of "melancholy" these days. And this fiesta celebration is rubbing it in.

More about Peñafrancia festival here .

LOSING A FRIEND

IMs popped up all at the same time as my sister opened her Yahoo Messenger. They all came from her friends back home... "DORIS IS GONE".. Basically what the messages conveyed. She must know someone with that name. Tried hard enough to remember for some Doris(es) in her life. Even tried some denial (our mind's coping mechanism to expel the unacceptable) but availed her nothing. She doesn't know any Doris... except her bestfriend.

How can Doris leave in such a cruel manner?

Three months ago before she left for Canada, they had a little misunderstanding. My sister left the country without saying goodbye to her. No chat sessions followed (which they usually enjoy doing when they're apart), and deliberately did not greet Doris on her birthday. But Doris is now gone forever. They will never have the chance to talk anymore. Maybe patch up their misunderstanding which is so puny, it's undeserving to let it harm their friendship.. She will terribly miss the outpour of her happy disposition. Her giggles. Her endless story-telling.. All about her! Doris' death is completely hard to comprehend.. My sister broke down. Cried for hours. And for days.

MORALE OF THE STORY:

- Don't ever let any misunderstanding get in the way to any good relationships

-Life is too short. Don't take your loved ones for granted. You'll never know how many or little is left in our lifetime.

I can't imagine the same story happening to me. One of my barkadas, dead. That's totally out of the picture! Purely insane! Yet.. very much a reality. I so love these people. The people who have grown up with me. From my pretentious teen-age life until becoming comfortable in my own skin. From taking baby steps (after graduation) so we can find our place in the real world(corporate world/adult world). Until having to teach our own kids with their baby steps too so they can learn to walk in life on their own (family life/parenthood)... I have journeyed with them. And I just can't imagine one of them gone in my life forever.

( my friends, below) diamonds I have stumbled upon...

THE LOVE SO DIVINE

Have you ever felt the LOVE so Divine when it overflows your whole being? Seldom that it comes. But when it does, it travels through your heart at its very core. It weakens you but so beautifully! And it's hard to contain, it has to spring forth. It breaks away, forming some little droplets called tears.....Sometimes that's how I feel when I'm in the presence of the Divine Love. He embraces me. He makes me taste even just a very little bit of heaven here on earth. It's a wonderful feeling. It's amazing beyond compare.

Photo credit: electricboo

My JOURNAL. MY SANCTUARY.

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.—J.M. Barrie, THE LITTLE MINISTER (1891)

I vow to keep track of my life by keeping a diary (yes, this blog). Go back to some significant part of the past, dwell in my present, and look forward to the future if I possibly can. But words are blocked lately. This is the time when the well runs dry. Groping, juggling, quenching for words but nothing can seem to depict my thoughts.. Damn frustration!

Keeping a journal is keeping trail of my Self.. In each words I write down, it’s looking at myself in another person’s eyes . This time, objectively and free from partiality. I can see with much clarity my joy, pain, mistake or a job well done. Outside of myself looking in, I can have a better view if there is a need for a bigger or smaller room in my life. A renovation or maybe an overhauling. Outside looking in, I can have an honest to goodness account of my values or habits and account of the people I have allowed to enter within the premises of my life. If there’s too many people and too much to handle, and if there’s a need to pull out the bad weeds to save the good ones ( Or if I need few, tolerable bad weeds so I can eventually grow and learn from them. In real life, few bad weeds are not bad enough. They give us strength of character. Or compassion. Or simply understanding human nature )… This way, I can understand myself a little each day. And in each day of understanding is an inch by inch closer to my real Self.In this day and age, life can just pass us by so quickly. In a flick, we can lose track of ourselves. What a waste of time. So I slow down and write down my life or simply my thoughts. This is one of the moments that I know I'm living and not just merely existing.For these reasons, I’m keeping a journal. And hey, life is too short. I don’t want to miss a thing.

Photo credit: josh

COFFEE ALAMID

"Coffee Alamid is Philippine Civet Coffee from wild civet droppings on the different forest floors of Philippine mountains. The Paradoxorus Philippinensis is a civet which belongs to the mongoose family - a nocturnal animal which uses its nose to choose the ripest and sweetest coffee cherries and relentlessly eats them during coffee season. Gathered very early in the morning usually before the sun rises, the forest dwellers climb the mountain and pick the civet droppings on the forest floors. On a good day, a gatherer can collect one kilo of civet droppings .
Coffee Alamid is a blend of the Philippine's finest Arabica, Liberica and Exelsa beans. When roasted, it exudes an almost musical, fruity aroma. It has a strong, sweet , dark chocolatey taste that is perfect for that morning kick or high power meetings. Definitely a clean cup."

SOURCE: arengga.com

CREDIT IMAGE : andy_atsaka

Coffee Alamid (civet coffee), the most expensive coffee in the world selling between $120-$600 per pound. It must taste like heaven so as to cost us this much. But knowing that these are coffee berries came from cat poop, would you try to have a sip? eeeeewww...

DESIDERATA

Finally, I have once again heard DESIDERATA played on the radio ( at RJFM) . And, man, how it made me fall into utter silence! I was amidst the city noise and chaos (I was in a public vehicle) but I was as if sitting there alone, shielded of serenity. I can hear the hustle and bustle but it remained behind the background leaving me completely untouched. The people around me were in the middle of the city street, and I was in the middle of euphoria listening to a godly created poem. I usually hear it on the radio when I was a kid. Desiderata, recited by a man with a god-like voice. But I never understood it, then. When I reached highschool, that's when it became my favorite that I have absorbed the teeny weeniest bit of its message. But it was somehow forgotten. I may have put it aside when I was accumulating some non-essentials in my life. Now, I have rediscovered Desiderata and I won't ever let it go once more. DESIDERATA (desideratum) which means something desired as necessary. No one knew who wrote it. Others have said that it was authored by a poet Max Ehrmann. But he (Max Ehrmann) said in his book that this document was discovered on a plaque installed at St. Paul's Church in Baltimore and was lost, but again rediscovered. But I say, it came from an unknown force which is God and have used somebody ( maybe Max Ehrmann) as a receptacle so it can reach each and every one of us. A single masterpiece, yet all encompassing. As one writer said, it contains infinity. A dewdrop that contains all the ocean.

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career,

however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952