COFFEE MOMENTS

I used to think that coffee is a beverage just for old people. And what I meant with old was.. well, people about my age now (ouch!). I always see my mom drinking her coffee but forbade us to have one because, according to her, it's not good for the kids.  She cannot give me a legit reason except  for  the half-truth that coffee would turn me into a nervous wreck. And I grew up thinking that coffee is bad, categorizing it to things  like cigarette or liquor. I even actually thought that coffee was the most boring (!!) drink ever.

Hubby and I wasn't born coffee lovers. The only time we have coffee in the house was when my mother-in-law or my mom would come for a visit. But my hubby and I? We'd prefer soda.  So, I don't exactly remember how we started drinking coffee, and in fact, loving it. Whenever or however it happened that it became part of our morning rituals, I really forgot. All I remember now are the nights hubby and I spend chatting with a cup/mug of coffee clasped in our hands. Somehow, coffee makes a conversation light and free-flowing. With coffee in our throats, we don't end up arguing! (grin!!). Moments like this  is worth remembering for our retirement days!  We'd both savor these memories while sipping a hot, rich cappuccino ... A love story and a cup of coffee.

photo credit

THE GREATEST INFLUENCE OF MY LIFE (cont..)

(cont...)

I am a mirror of my daddy. We may have lost him quite early in life but he has left his values and principles imbued in my being.

He was temperamental. It worsened after his first major stroke. Though his illness made him a little like an angry man sometimes, he never lost his passionate self. He was very passionate about things. He had this child-like enthusiasm. I guess, that's what made him very loveable... I have his temper. But mine is much more tamed. Most of all, I have his passion. It's my passionate self that makes me enjoy life more than other people can!

He was very passionate about christmas. He would play christmas songs as early as September 1. Set our christmas tree in October. He loved christmas season so much!... I play christmas songs as early as July. Decorate our house of christmas ornaments in October. We both LOVE and feel giddy about anything christmasy!

He would read out VERY loud to practice his diction in english. So engrossed and sometimes appearing a little silly... I did the same, but I hope not as silly as he was! Now, I owe him my proper diction in english.

He loved reading books. He loved movies. um, almost addicted to movies... I love reading. Not only books but also magazines, websites, etc. I love movies. But no, not as addicted as he was.

He loved pets! Cats, dogs, birds, pigs (yes, pigs!). Name it. He would speak to them like human beings. We had this piglet named Wiggy. Daddy would stroll Wiggy around our subdivision complete with leash and a bow tie around her neck. Really, an embarassment to our family, hehehe. Poor Wiggy. Daddy must have confused her, "Am I a dog? Oink."... I was a pet lover. Though we don't have dogs at home right now, but I already have a handful of lovely pets. My hubby and my two kids.

He was very prayerful. When he was still alive, we would pray the rosary at night. We would attend mass every sunday. He had a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that he put under his pillow. Clasp it in his hands and pray before and after he sleeps... I am prayerful like him.

He valued education. He was my first teacher... One day, mommy announced that we had to transfer to a less expensive school (with a less quality of education) due to financial struggles after daddy's major stroke. We were all crying. Daddy was quiet but stood his ground. He decided that we continue studying at the best school in the city whatever the cost... I value education. Could it be a proof that I have attained my master's degree? Sometimes I contemplate on pursuing a phd.

He was prideful. His pride can really get foolish sometimes. Like, he refused to use connections when he can (to go up the ladder of his career). Sobra sa pride o kulang sa diskarte? Depends on how you look at it. (Mommy was the opposite. She used connection , my dad's relative, to get a high paying and prestigious job in court which made us surpass poverty)... I am corrupted with pride. And it can really get foolish sometimes.

He was a music lover. He had a very high standard in music. Very classy. Our house was filled of his lovely music especially during weekends. The only baduy song that I heard him playing in our stereo was the song "Gulong ng Palad" by Nora Aunor. I saw him crying. He didn't know I was peeping. That was after he had a major stroke and the doctors advised him to have an early retirement. I cried with him too, just silently inside our bedroom... I am a music lover. We (my siblings) used to hate his music. But now that we're all grown up, we began to love the same music that dad used to play. How we wish daddy stayed a little longer to see us fully grown and loving most of the things he loved.

He was a great guitarist. He can play guitar like a professional! He was part of a band playing in clubs during their spare time. Spare time would be weekends.. During fiesta, his old time friends and relatives would gather around in our house. Two guys would play violin. Another would play maracas. Another, a bajo. And daddy would be one of the guitarists. An orchestra in our own backyard! We were the happiest (and maybe the most envied) house in the neighborhood. When daddy died, his friends would still come during fiesta. They would play their instruments for old time's sake. But they would just end up crying and missing my dad... In this part, I failed to emulate my dad. But if I still could, I'd love to learn to play one musical instrument.. Daddy was dissappointed in us, his kids. No one of us got interested to play guitar while the kids of other parents would willingly ask him for a guitar lesson. And willingly, he would with no charge. When daddy died, I tried to learn playing guitar on my own. But to no avail.

Wherever you are daddy, happy father's day! You've done a good job raising us. And.. have I told I love you?

THE GREATEST INFLUENCE OF MY LIFE

It's important to be there for our children during their formative years. Tread a path where they should go. Infuse good values in them. Set good examples for them to emulate. As parents, we are given this amazing "power" to shapen up delicate human beings. But let's be very responsible and be very careful. For the kind of persons that we've molded our children, they will most probably be when they grow up.

The person who's been consistently there during my formative years was my father. My dad is my greatest influence (and that's also true to my siblings). He died when I was 13 years old. But my memory about him is crystal clear up to now. We adore him. My mom would sometimes get unreasonably jealous because we're (my siblings) all praises about him while she was seemingly unnappreciated. But of course that's not true... (I have a quite vague memory about my mom when I was young. She must have skipped out that phase in my life. I just woke up one day already a grown up suddenly with my mom beside me, not as my mother but more as my friend. Mommy got married at a very young age of 18. Daddy was more than a decade older than her. While we were growing up, my mother was still a growing child herself. Maybe we were a little too much to handle for her then. So, she would always pass on the disciplining to my dad.)

Daddy was VERY strict. A disciplinarian.. and sometimes to a fault. We were like scaredy cats when he's angry. He spanks REAL hard. We must have prayed so hard for God to save our butts! Oh, he's no way an ideal father. But then we adore him very much. We're all praises about him. Sometimes I would wonder why when he had many resentful ways. I'm not sure but I think I know one reason why. Parents tend to appear invincible before their children to admire. Give their children a false impression that they're an ideal parent (or person). Then we feel kind of betrayed when we realize one day that they're just full of imperfections.. It wasn't like that with my dad. We've seen in him the bad and ugly. The good and the beautiful. All the human frailties in him! So, that made us compassionate about his imperfections, instead. And made us admire him at the same time.

Daddy is the greatest influence of my life. I have acquired his ways. I have grown to be much like him.

RELATIONSHIPS and TRYING TIMES

How can you figure out a genuine relationship? One way of knowing is through trying times.

I have been through crossroads the latter part of last year (and how scary can it get). Recently, I had an accident that made me hit pit bottom. And during these trying times in my life, somehow some of my relationships have been tried and tested too.

When I cried SOS, who came running for rescue? Or even when I was silent, who came anyway and despite the distance or busy schedules (because genuine relationships know when you need someone and they would readily extend themselves to be that someone for you)?

One thing I learned about tragedy. It looms clearly to you which of your relationships are unfeigned and which are little less so. Yes, few of them might have disappointed me, but I try not to take it against them because sometime in my life I have disappointed people too... Only this time, I learned to really EXPECT LESS.

SOME UNFEIGNED RELATIONSHIPS ....

with mommy ---
Moms will be moms no matter what. The most reliable of all. She will come for me, invited or not. Others may desert me, but she will stick it out with me.

with hubby ---
A person who is not my blood but has loved me with all his heart. True to his vow, he's there for me for better or worse. In twelve years of marriage, he did not give me reason to doubt his love. But this is the time that he manifested it so utterly. He sacrificed for me and stood by me. He makes me feel so blessed. I love him so so much and even more.


with God ---
Many times I don't understand His ways that I even sent Him "hate letters" a couple of times before. Maybe He will not stop instilling great lessons (and sometimes the hard way) into my stubborn mind. Maybe because He simply loves me. Or I don't know. Basta, I'll just continue on with my pilgrimage. And when in doubt, let me just remember that God's foolishness is much greater than man's wisdom.

MY HOMECOMING ( Part I )

Last year, I had this great longing to visit home. Maybe because life was a little rude then, and I wanted to run to the place of my comfort and where, subconsciusly, makes me feel shielded... and HOME.

And finally, I had my homecoming during the holiday. Initially, it was a real home sweet home for me. Until the weather had to screw it up!! Yeah, it was cold and cozy, but it rained all the time and I had to put off some plans, like, take some photos of our city in different "angles", visit my alma mater in college (Ateneo de Naga) because I treasure a lot of wonderful memories there, visit my dad's graveyard, etc..

So, here goes some pics to help me make my story-telling a lot easier.

Photos taken at Avenue Square while sharing some coffee time with friends

Dined out and had some coffee time late in the evening with my two girl friends, Gay and Tess. We dined at the Red Platter along Magsaysay Avenue. I took photos of their yummy foods but I want you to see few ineteresting details of their interior designs, instead..

The place is very cozy. Looks like a country home ( I wish to achieve this kind of interior design in my own house). It's used to be a house, now turned into a resto. And the food was superb, let me not forget to say that!

Night life is great in Naga City! We stayed out till 1 am.

I miss the rest of our barkada. Wish we can all go home together and have a grand vacation.

Lunch out at Chef Doy's with Cecile few days after. Cecile and I were batch mates in highschool but never had the chance to mingle with one another. We again went to the same school in college, and there we became friends.

The foods at Chef Doy's was a so so. But maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt. A second try, maybe.

But these pastries at Kopiroti are incredibly luscious which Cecile gave me as a treat after our lunch date! Thanks Cecile!

KOPIROTI

my highschool alma mater

I had the chance to shoot the facade of my alma mater (from elem. to highschool), Universidad de Sta. Isabel ( Trivia: it's the first normal school for women in the Philippines and in Asia. Hence, the oldest school for girls in the country). In this school, I was taught how to behave like a lady. Taught about ethics and social graces. And yes, here, it was a survival of the fittest. Daming maldita! hahah. So you learn how to fight back. Well, that's something quite common with all girls . Oops, no offense. I love my school because here, I met my best friends for life!!

The white specks on the photo aren't snow flakes! They're just some tiny droplets from the drizzle.

Nick with lowa (lola..my mother) in Naga

Nick and her ate, Denise


And finally, back in the arms of my babes (hubby) after the vacation.

MY MOST FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR (my christmas past) II

photo credit

(continuation...)

Christmas is the time when my present intertwines with my past. In this time, I get visited by the memories of my christmas from yesteryears. Everything around. The lights, the ornaments, the carols. And yes, the cold breeze. Each of them have stories to tell about my christmases gone by.

I was with my barkada looking up for some christmas CDs. I was talking giddily with the usual exclamation points in it. And I thought she was sharing my excitement. Then I asked her, aren't you buying one of those? No, she replied. But WHY??. "I don't like christmas. It makes me sad". I gave her a frown and rolled my eyes in disbelief! (Grinch, is that you?).

I know what she meant. There's a certain sadness about christmas... I guess it's the remembering that is sad.

But I love remembering my christmas past. When life was pure and happiness was always at hand, and when christmas seemed more christmasy. Then I remember the people. Some of them have left.. or just gone for some reasons not told. I smile. Most of them I already miss. Where could they be now? Will I ever see them again? And if I can jump right off my christmas past to experience them once more, then I will. But I can't. Then I can feel a sharp pain. A little pinch piercing through..

It's the remembering that is sad. But I don't mind if this is the only way that I can revisit these memories. I don't mind at all. And I guess it's the fragments from my christmas past that makes my present christmas more meaningful and ever so lovely and (bitter) sweet.

YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR OWN

The story of this girl from my last post (re: the accidental lawyer. I choose not to disclose her identity) has struck me real hard. I guess because I am a parent, myself. It made me look in. How am I doing as a parent? How am I "imposing" it (my parenting) to my kids?

Before I became a mother, I had this ideal child in mind. I have envisioned the way I'm going to raise her (her.. yes, I have envisioned a daughter). Set up the rules and regulations that she's going to conform to. She's a human being given under my custody. I have to mold her right! What she will become will be a reflection of how good or bad parent I am. So, I was a little hard on my first born, my daughter. She was a victim of my standard of "perfection". That's why, I guess at one point, I might have not handled this little, fragile creature so very well. I'm afraid I might have caused some little bruises with her self-esteem everytime I push her to always do good especially with her studies (she's a consistent honor student). I plead guilty. So with my second born, I was more lenient.

Parents tend to mold their children according to their image and likeness. I hope we get to be reminded.. we are not gods.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable

(my precious kids, Denise and Nick)

THE ACCIDENTAL LAWYER

She stays out after dusk and goes home before dawn. Sunshine might be an unfamiliar glare for her. For the only shine that constantly gleams her sight are those from the street glows or the array of neon colors from bar lights. She goes partying every night with her friends. A flock with the same feathers like hers.

Energy gushes in and out of her soul. A fun-lover! A carefree spirit!.. Stifle her, or she'll wither.

She comes from a family which could have believed that they are dynasty of "Abogado de Campanillas". So her parents thought that she must be raised to be one. Going to Law school was imposed on her.

Being a lawyer may be in her blood, yet it was not implanted in her heart. She scorns the very thought of it. But wanting to please her parents, she went to Law School .. not knowing that it will start to gnaw her life.

She studied in the top Law School of the land. These four years in law school devastated her. She was compelled to do something she hates. No more partying. No more fun. "I don't belong in this place", she thought. Like a tropical species uprooted and forced to survive in North Pole.

Wanting to please her parents, she went on and finished Law. At last, all her agony is paying off... But then, she failed the Bar exam.

She fell into deep depression. She cannot disappoint her parents this way. So, all her remaining ardor, she tried the bar exam the second time.This time she passed. But just to realize that her real agony is just starting.

How can she handle her first case? What if she loses? She cannot displease her mom and dad that way! She realized, from that day onward, her life should be spent in winning cases. And she realized, from that day onward, she will be leading a life she detests. A life to please. A life in possession by other people..Then she decided to just end it all and took her own life. A life that is not already hers, anyway.

She was stifled. And she withered.

LOSING A FRIEND

IMs popped up all at the same time as my sister opened her Yahoo Messenger. They all came from her friends back home... "DORIS IS GONE".. Basically what the messages conveyed. She must know someone with that name. Tried hard enough to remember for some Doris(es) in her life. Even tried some denial (our mind's coping mechanism to expel the unacceptable) but availed her nothing. She doesn't know any Doris... except her bestfriend.

How can Doris leave in such a cruel manner?

Three months ago before she left for Canada, they had a little misunderstanding. My sister left the country without saying goodbye to her. No chat sessions followed (which they usually enjoy doing when they're apart), and deliberately did not greet Doris on her birthday. But Doris is now gone forever. They will never have the chance to talk anymore. Maybe patch up their misunderstanding which is so puny, it's undeserving to let it harm their friendship.. She will terribly miss the outpour of her happy disposition. Her giggles. Her endless story-telling.. All about her! Doris' death is completely hard to comprehend.. My sister broke down. Cried for hours. And for days.

MORALE OF THE STORY:

- Don't ever let any misunderstanding get in the way to any good relationships

-Life is too short. Don't take your loved ones for granted. You'll never know how many or little is left in our lifetime.

I can't imagine the same story happening to me. One of my barkadas, dead. That's totally out of the picture! Purely insane! Yet.. very much a reality. I so love these people. The people who have grown up with me. From my pretentious teen-age life until becoming comfortable in my own skin. From taking baby steps (after graduation) so we can find our place in the real world(corporate world/adult world). Until having to teach our own kids with their baby steps too so they can learn to walk in life on their own (family life/parenthood)... I have journeyed with them. And I just can't imagine one of them gone in my life forever.

( my friends, below) diamonds I have stumbled upon...

Let's sit and and talk awhile

This is my blog, my little coffee nook. Though it moves and revolves around my life story and does not talk actually about coffee all the time (from time to time, yes), but it will constantly have the feel, the look and the smell of a cozy coffee nook. Latte, cappuccino, mocha, macchiato.. name it. They burst their lingering aroma here, and just so heavenly!

Sipping coffee with friends can be the best way to make conversations. Even gloomy stories turn out to be a little less so... But for the meantime, friends don't know anything about my little coffee nook. One day they will. But for now , I choose to have my alone time here.. with a cup of coffee in hand. I am savoring the moment. Building a better relationship with myself. And maybe find a better version of me.. Eventually, and maybe soon enough, I will try to find new friends along the way. I don't hesitate to have some. After all, people gather around where coffee is. "Let's have coffee", we say... when we mean, "let's talk and catch up on each other's lives".

A COFFEE LOVE SONG, to begin with

Falling in love at a coffee shop by Landon Pigg

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you

Yes theres a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.

I’ve seen the paths that your eyes wander downI want to come too

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do

Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop

I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop

I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you

Yes theres a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.

I’ve seen the waters that make your eyes shine

Now I’m shining too

Because oh because

I’ve fallen quite hard over you

If I didn’t know you, I’d rather not know

If I couldn’t have you, I’d rather be alone

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop

I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop

I love so much

All of the while, I never knew

All of the while , all of the while

It was you