LETTER TO A FIRST BORN

My daughter is, at this moment, attending a 2-day seminar on Character Formation. Their school's way to prepare them for highschool. Her adviser asked the parents to write messages for the kids. But it's supposed to be a secret for the meantime. Denise is clueless about it until she is asked to read it before the class. I'm posting the original letter which was written from my own point of view and experience. But in the letter I gave to the adviser, I had to change the I to WE so as to include hubby. I'm not the only parent here after all.
 !3B<2Fi>

DENISE,

Long before we became parents, your dad and I have envisioned the child we wish to have. It's amazing how God answers prayers, because looking at you now, yougre amost exactly the child that we relentlessly asked from the Sacred Heart. A beautiful, intelligent daughter for our first born.

Being a first time parent to a first born did not come so easy. I guess at one point I might have harmed your very fragile self-esteem everytime I push you to my own standard of "perfection". For imposing you to always do good especially with your studies. I plead guilty. Parents tend to mold their children according to their image and likeness. I guess we have to be reminded.. we are not gods(this line I borrowed from my old post).But through time, I am learning. That goes the same  with your dad. 

You're growing up so fast! Soon enough, you'll be a teener. It's a long, overwhelming phase of changes. Alterations. Confusions. A lot of growing up pains and joys that might leave you bewildered, and sometimes feeling all on your own. Rest assured that we'll be here for you. Being a friend and a parent are equally important this time. And we pray that God may give us wisdom to know when to be a friend or when to be a parent to you.  Or at times, both.

You always ask me what career path I think is suited for you. And I always answer, "I-pray mo lagi sa diyos". We may be your parents, but we don't know  all the answers. So I refer you to the One who knows everything. Always seek for God. Always seek for His wisdom. The three of us.. God, your dad and I will  be here to guide you. In every undertaking, we'll support you all through out..

We love you always.

THE GREATEST INFLUENCE OF MY LIFE (cont..)

(cont...)

I am a mirror of my daddy. We may have lost him quite early in life but he has left his values and principles imbued in my being.

He was temperamental. It worsened after his first major stroke. Though his illness made him a little like an angry man sometimes, he never lost his passionate self. He was very passionate about things. He had this child-like enthusiasm. I guess, that's what made him very loveable... I have his temper. But mine is much more tamed. Most of all, I have his passion. It's my passionate self that makes me enjoy life more than other people can!

He was very passionate about christmas. He would play christmas songs as early as September 1. Set our christmas tree in October. He loved christmas season so much!... I play christmas songs as early as July. Decorate our house of christmas ornaments in October. We both LOVE and feel giddy about anything christmasy!

He would read out VERY loud to practice his diction in english. So engrossed and sometimes appearing a little silly... I did the same, but I hope not as silly as he was! Now, I owe him my proper diction in english.

He loved reading books. He loved movies. um, almost addicted to movies... I love reading. Not only books but also magazines, websites, etc. I love movies. But no, not as addicted as he was.

He loved pets! Cats, dogs, birds, pigs (yes, pigs!). Name it. He would speak to them like human beings. We had this piglet named Wiggy. Daddy would stroll Wiggy around our subdivision complete with leash and a bow tie around her neck. Really, an embarassment to our family, hehehe. Poor Wiggy. Daddy must have confused her, "Am I a dog? Oink."... I was a pet lover. Though we don't have dogs at home right now, but I already have a handful of lovely pets. My hubby and my two kids.

He was very prayerful. When he was still alive, we would pray the rosary at night. We would attend mass every sunday. He had a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that he put under his pillow. Clasp it in his hands and pray before and after he sleeps... I am prayerful like him.

He valued education. He was my first teacher... One day, mommy announced that we had to transfer to a less expensive school (with a less quality of education) due to financial struggles after daddy's major stroke. We were all crying. Daddy was quiet but stood his ground. He decided that we continue studying at the best school in the city whatever the cost... I value education. Could it be a proof that I have attained my master's degree? Sometimes I contemplate on pursuing a phd.

He was prideful. His pride can really get foolish sometimes. Like, he refused to use connections when he can (to go up the ladder of his career). Sobra sa pride o kulang sa diskarte? Depends on how you look at it. (Mommy was the opposite. She used connection , my dad's relative, to get a high paying and prestigious job in court which made us surpass poverty)... I am corrupted with pride. And it can really get foolish sometimes.

He was a music lover. He had a very high standard in music. Very classy. Our house was filled of his lovely music especially during weekends. The only baduy song that I heard him playing in our stereo was the song "Gulong ng Palad" by Nora Aunor. I saw him crying. He didn't know I was peeping. That was after he had a major stroke and the doctors advised him to have an early retirement. I cried with him too, just silently inside our bedroom... I am a music lover. We (my siblings) used to hate his music. But now that we're all grown up, we began to love the same music that dad used to play. How we wish daddy stayed a little longer to see us fully grown and loving most of the things he loved.

He was a great guitarist. He can play guitar like a professional! He was part of a band playing in clubs during their spare time. Spare time would be weekends.. During fiesta, his old time friends and relatives would gather around in our house. Two guys would play violin. Another would play maracas. Another, a bajo. And daddy would be one of the guitarists. An orchestra in our own backyard! We were the happiest (and maybe the most envied) house in the neighborhood. When daddy died, his friends would still come during fiesta. They would play their instruments for old time's sake. But they would just end up crying and missing my dad... In this part, I failed to emulate my dad. But if I still could, I'd love to learn to play one musical instrument.. Daddy was dissappointed in us, his kids. No one of us got interested to play guitar while the kids of other parents would willingly ask him for a guitar lesson. And willingly, he would with no charge. When daddy died, I tried to learn playing guitar on my own. But to no avail.

Wherever you are daddy, happy father's day! You've done a good job raising us. And.. have I told I love you?

THE GREATEST INFLUENCE OF MY LIFE

It's important to be there for our children during their formative years. Tread a path where they should go. Infuse good values in them. Set good examples for them to emulate. As parents, we are given this amazing "power" to shapen up delicate human beings. But let's be very responsible and be very careful. For the kind of persons that we've molded our children, they will most probably be when they grow up.

The person who's been consistently there during my formative years was my father. My dad is my greatest influence (and that's also true to my siblings). He died when I was 13 years old. But my memory about him is crystal clear up to now. We adore him. My mom would sometimes get unreasonably jealous because we're (my siblings) all praises about him while she was seemingly unnappreciated. But of course that's not true... (I have a quite vague memory about my mom when I was young. She must have skipped out that phase in my life. I just woke up one day already a grown up suddenly with my mom beside me, not as my mother but more as my friend. Mommy got married at a very young age of 18. Daddy was more than a decade older than her. While we were growing up, my mother was still a growing child herself. Maybe we were a little too much to handle for her then. So, she would always pass on the disciplining to my dad.)

Daddy was VERY strict. A disciplinarian.. and sometimes to a fault. We were like scaredy cats when he's angry. He spanks REAL hard. We must have prayed so hard for God to save our butts! Oh, he's no way an ideal father. But then we adore him very much. We're all praises about him. Sometimes I would wonder why when he had many resentful ways. I'm not sure but I think I know one reason why. Parents tend to appear invincible before their children to admire. Give their children a false impression that they're an ideal parent (or person). Then we feel kind of betrayed when we realize one day that they're just full of imperfections.. It wasn't like that with my dad. We've seen in him the bad and ugly. The good and the beautiful. All the human frailties in him! So, that made us compassionate about his imperfections, instead. And made us admire him at the same time.

Daddy is the greatest influence of my life. I have acquired his ways. I have grown to be much like him.

YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR OWN

The story of this girl from my last post (re: the accidental lawyer. I choose not to disclose her identity) has struck me real hard. I guess because I am a parent, myself. It made me look in. How am I doing as a parent? How am I "imposing" it (my parenting) to my kids?

Before I became a mother, I had this ideal child in mind. I have envisioned the way I'm going to raise her (her.. yes, I have envisioned a daughter). Set up the rules and regulations that she's going to conform to. She's a human being given under my custody. I have to mold her right! What she will become will be a reflection of how good or bad parent I am. So, I was a little hard on my first born, my daughter. She was a victim of my standard of "perfection". That's why, I guess at one point, I might have not handled this little, fragile creature so very well. I'm afraid I might have caused some little bruises with her self-esteem everytime I push her to always do good especially with her studies (she's a consistent honor student). I plead guilty. So with my second born, I was more lenient.

Parents tend to mold their children according to their image and likeness. I hope we get to be reminded.. we are not gods.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable

(my precious kids, Denise and Nick)

THE ACCIDENTAL LAWYER

She stays out after dusk and goes home before dawn. Sunshine might be an unfamiliar glare for her. For the only shine that constantly gleams her sight are those from the street glows or the array of neon colors from bar lights. She goes partying every night with her friends. A flock with the same feathers like hers.

Energy gushes in and out of her soul. A fun-lover! A carefree spirit!.. Stifle her, or she'll wither.

She comes from a family which could have believed that they are dynasty of "Abogado de Campanillas". So her parents thought that she must be raised to be one. Going to Law school was imposed on her.

Being a lawyer may be in her blood, yet it was not implanted in her heart. She scorns the very thought of it. But wanting to please her parents, she went to Law School .. not knowing that it will start to gnaw her life.

She studied in the top Law School of the land. These four years in law school devastated her. She was compelled to do something she hates. No more partying. No more fun. "I don't belong in this place", she thought. Like a tropical species uprooted and forced to survive in North Pole.

Wanting to please her parents, she went on and finished Law. At last, all her agony is paying off... But then, she failed the Bar exam.

She fell into deep depression. She cannot disappoint her parents this way. So, all her remaining ardor, she tried the bar exam the second time.This time she passed. But just to realize that her real agony is just starting.

How can she handle her first case? What if she loses? She cannot displease her mom and dad that way! She realized, from that day onward, her life should be spent in winning cases. And she realized, from that day onward, she will be leading a life she detests. A life to please. A life in possession by other people..Then she decided to just end it all and took her own life. A life that is not already hers, anyway.

She was stifled. And she withered.