Friday, March 13, 2009


photo credit

A mere thought of needle pricking can chicken me out. I cringe at the onset of displeasures. I get tempted to run away from problems. Oh these things we call CROSSES! Disputes, sickness, poverty, traffic jam, bad weather. And if I could choose, I'd rather take up the lightest of the crosses. Or none at all. But more often than not, we don't choose on what crosses we want to carry. They're just thrown at us. Nonetheless, we can decide on how to handle them. And that's what makes the difference.

If I have to be asked about the cross I'm carrying right now, it's this autocratic, power maniac I know. She is my cross (and everybody else's)! I'd rather not go down the list of my grievances. Talking about them would only reap negative feelings but doesn't solve anything. I can just describe how I see her in my own eyes. In my eyes, she is oftentimes a beastly thing with its long curvy pair of horns, sharp, pearly white fangs and a tail. In some occassional instances, she reaches out my distance. Those times, she appears to be a cuddly, harmless puppy with its fluffy ears and wagging tail. But, "oh don't be deceived!", I warn myself...seriously.

It's easy to hate her because she is hateful. But I try to go beyond what I can see. Her inferiority complex hiding behind the arrogance. Her trying to use people to fill up her low self esteem. Beyond what I can see is a pitiful sight of inner struggle and brokenness. Sometimes I try compassion instead of hatred. Well, easier said than done. But I don't stop trying.

To love the loveable is effortless. To love the unloveable is virtue..

Am I being a cross for another person? Am I making life difficult for somebody else? Heck, I'm no saint and I can be bitchy sometimes. So once in awhile I do some double checking. I could be the villain of another person's life story and I might never know. That's scary..


david santos said...

Brilliant posting!
Have a nice weekend!!!!

LOREN said...

Thanks, David!

sheng said...

Yes, very scary indeed, i hope i am not somebody's cross.

piebuko said...

Loren, I haven't thought of that. You now have me thinking. What if I am a villain in somebody else's story? I haven't thought of that before.

Anonymous said...

How can you be a villain in someone's life? Reading your post, I can't help but think how nice you are to see the goodness in a hateful person. :)

LOREN said...

It feels good to be a villain even once in awhile. It's fun, right? heheh..

Hi Tani! To find goodness with difficult persons can sometimes be our coping mechanism siguro.

Well, this particular guy (the power maniac) is cautious in dealing with me because he knows I can be bitchy. So, no Tani, I'm not that "nice" naman talaga. But, I'm nice enough. ;)

vitti said...

Lorena, you write like a gem! how come dai ini nagluwas kan highschool pa kita. we should have a blogging session once i get back to naga:)

LOREN said...

Hi Annabelle!! Salamat sa pag visit!
Maybe I already had the inclination in writing when we were in hs. Pero it wouldn't get noticed man because our school had the best and the bestest writers like you... Let's encourage other classmates to blog especially those whom we can entrust our blog stories! Happy blogging for both of us!