Monday, June 22, 2009



I am a mirror of my daddy. We may have lost him quite early in life but he has left his values and principles imbued in my being.

He was temperamental. It worsened after his first major stroke. Though his illness made him a little like an angry man sometimes, he never lost his passionate self. He was very passionate about things. He had this child-like enthusiasm. I guess, that's what made him very loveable... I have his temper. But mine is much more tamed. Most of all, I have his passion. It's my passionate self that makes me enjoy life more than other people can!

He was very passionate about christmas. He would play christmas songs as early as September 1. Set our christmas tree in October. He loved christmas season so much!... I play christmas songs as early as July. Decorate our house of christmas ornaments in October. We both LOVE and feel giddy about anything christmasy!

He would read out VERY loud to practice his diction in english. So engrossed and sometimes appearing a little silly... I did the same, but I hope not as silly as he was! Now, I owe him my proper diction in english.

He loved reading books. He loved movies. um, almost addicted to movies... I love reading. Not only books but also magazines, websites, etc. I love movies. But no, not as addicted as he was.

He loved pets! Cats, dogs, birds, pigs (yes, pigs!). Name it. He would speak to them like human beings. We had this piglet named Wiggy. Daddy would stroll Wiggy around our subdivision complete with leash and a bow tie around her neck. Really, an embarassment to our family, hehehe. Poor Wiggy. Daddy must have confused her, "Am I a dog? Oink."... I was a pet lover. Though we don't have dogs at home right now, but I already have a handful of lovely pets. My hubby and my two kids.

He was very prayerful. When he was still alive, we would pray the rosary at night. We would attend mass every sunday. He had a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that he put under his pillow. Clasp it in his hands and pray before and after he sleeps... I am prayerful like him.

He valued education. He was my first teacher... One day, mommy announced that we had to transfer to a less expensive school (with a less quality of education) due to financial struggles after daddy's major stroke. We were all crying. Daddy was quiet but stood his ground. He decided that we continue studying at the best school in the city whatever the cost... I value education. Could it be a proof that I have attained my master's degree? Sometimes I contemplate on pursuing a phd.

He was prideful. His pride can really get foolish sometimes. Like, he refused to use connections when he can (to go up the ladder of his career). Sobra sa pride o kulang sa diskarte? Depends on how you look at it. (Mommy was the opposite. She used connection , my dad's relative, to get a high paying and prestigious job in court which made us surpass poverty)... I am corrupted with pride. And it can really get foolish sometimes.

He was a music lover. He had a very high standard in music. Very classy. Our house was filled of his lovely music especially during weekends. The only baduy song that I heard him playing in our stereo was the song "Gulong ng Palad" by Nora Aunor. I saw him crying. He didn't know I was peeping. That was after he had a major stroke and the doctors advised him to have an early retirement. I cried with him too, just silently inside our bedroom... I am a music lover. We (my siblings) used to hate his music. But now that we're all grown up, we began to love the same music that dad used to play. How we wish daddy stayed a little longer to see us fully grown and loving most of the things he loved.

He was a great guitarist. He can play guitar like a professional! He was part of a band playing in clubs during their spare time. Spare time would be weekends.. During fiesta, his old time friends and relatives would gather around in our house. Two guys would play violin. Another would play maracas. Another, a bajo. And daddy would be one of the guitarists. An orchestra in our own backyard! We were the happiest (and maybe the most envied) house in the neighborhood. When daddy died, his friends would still come during fiesta. They would play their instruments for old time's sake. But they would just end up crying and missing my dad... In this part, I failed to emulate my dad. But if I still could, I'd love to learn to play one musical instrument.. Daddy was dissappointed in us, his kids. No one of us got interested to play guitar while the kids of other parents would willingly ask him for a guitar lesson. And willingly, he would with no charge. When daddy died, I tried to learn playing guitar on my own. But to no avail.

Wherever you are daddy, happy father's day! You've done a good job raising us. And.. have I told I love you?


It's important to be there for our children during their formative years. Tread a path where they should go. Infuse good values in them. Set good examples for them to emulate. As parents, we are given this amazing "power" to shapen up delicate human beings. But let's be very responsible and be very careful. For the kind of persons that we've molded our children, they will most probably be when they grow up.

The person who's been consistently there during my formative years was my father. My dad is my greatest influence (and that's also true to my siblings). He died when I was 13 years old. But my memory about him is crystal clear up to now. We adore him. My mom would sometimes get unreasonably jealous because we're (my siblings) all praises about him while she was seemingly unnappreciated. But of course that's not true... (I have a quite vague memory about my mom when I was young. She must have skipped out that phase in my life. I just woke up one day already a grown up suddenly with my mom beside me, not as my mother but more as my friend. Mommy got married at a very young age of 18. Daddy was more than a decade older than her. While we were growing up, my mother was still a growing child herself. Maybe we were a little too much to handle for her then. So, she would always pass on the disciplining to my dad.)

Daddy was VERY strict. A disciplinarian.. and sometimes to a fault. We were like scaredy cats when he's angry. He spanks REAL hard. We must have prayed so hard for God to save our butts! Oh, he's no way an ideal father. But then we adore him very much. We're all praises about him. Sometimes I would wonder why when he had many resentful ways. I'm not sure but I think I know one reason why. Parents tend to appear invincible before their children to admire. Give their children a false impression that they're an ideal parent (or person). Then we feel kind of betrayed when we realize one day that they're just full of imperfections.. It wasn't like that with my dad. We've seen in him the bad and ugly. The good and the beautiful. All the human frailties in him! So, that made us compassionate about his imperfections, instead. And made us admire him at the same time.

Daddy is the greatest influence of my life. I have acquired his ways. I have grown to be much like him.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


How can you figure out a genuine relationship? One way of knowing is through trying times.

I have been through crossroads the latter part of last year (and how scary can it get). Recently, I had an accident that made me hit pit bottom. And during these trying times in my life, somehow some of my relationships have been tried and tested too.

When I cried SOS, who came running for rescue? Or even when I was silent, who came anyway and despite the distance or busy schedules (because genuine relationships know when you need someone and they would readily extend themselves to be that someone for you)?

One thing I learned about tragedy. It looms clearly to you which of your relationships are unfeigned and which are little less so. Yes, few of them might have disappointed me, but I try not to take it against them because sometime in my life I have disappointed people too... Only this time, I learned to really EXPECT LESS.


with mommy ---
Moms will be moms no matter what. The most reliable of all. She will come for me, invited or not. Others may desert me, but she will stick it out with me.

with hubby ---
A person who is not my blood but has loved me with all his heart. True to his vow, he's there for me for better or worse. In twelve years of marriage, he did not give me reason to doubt his love. But this is the time that he manifested it so utterly. He sacrificed for me and stood by me. He makes me feel so blessed. I love him so so much and even more.

with God ---
Many times I don't understand His ways that I even sent Him "hate letters" a couple of times before. Maybe He will not stop instilling great lessons (and sometimes the hard way) into my stubborn mind. Maybe because He simply loves me. Or I don't know. Basta, I'll just continue on with my pilgrimage. And when in doubt, let me just remember that God's foolishness is much greater than man's wisdom.


We were smashed right onto the creek. I was in panic of drowning but we were submerged only a little half-way (One more reason to be thankful for. I could have been half-way dead by then) . Blood was everywhere. There was this woman beside me all blooded on her face. Really a scary sight. Apparently, I did not feel any pain and I was not wounded. But as I tried to get up, my left arm did not move. I held it close to me making sure that I still have it. It's clinging in my body, still very much a part of me. Except that it cannot feel anything.

Rescue came. One guy reached out to me and grabbed my arms. Suddenly, a sharp pain in my left arm. Sharp, excruciating pain!

My left arm was fractured. I was operated for an implant. Right now I'm still recuperating from the operation. I will be starting my therapy today. And hopefully soon enough I can do without my arm sling already.

before the operation

after the operation

Yeah, I'm typing with my right hand.

Nobody died from the accident. Maybe some of them are okay now. Some are still recuperating like me. But what's important, we're all alive and enjoying our second life. Thank you Lord and cheers to life!

Monday, June 8, 2009


A was riding a jeepney one fateful day.

The driver readied to go as the red light turned to green. As we were about to cross the highway, a ten-wheeler truck from the other side of the road was accelerating and really fast, bumped and dragged us for I don't know how long. Everything went so fast, but the anticipation of where and how we would smash was a long wait. My mind was running just as fast. Thinking for survival .. for life, death, and my family. But first thing I did was to save my soul. I asked God to forgive all my sins and asked to take me with Him if I have to die that very moment.

It seemed silent. No one screaming. Just groaning and moaning from the hurting passengers. And from my voice saying "Jesus save us" over and over again.


sorry, can't continue now. can't bear the bad memories.. the fears and pain (or is it sadness?) that i was not even aware it's there, still... until i wrote it.