Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Too many candles to blow!

My birth month is ending and I hardly noticed. B-day greetings, a one- day feast at home, a KFC treat for my officemates, and nothing made a difference. After all, what is there to celebrate for getting another year older?? All I know is the panicky feeling in keeping a tight grip of any remaining youth that is left of me. And sooner than later, I'd be wrinkled.. and ugly.. and all other things that my vanity can barely accept!

Though one day I'd be wrinkled and undesirable for the world to see, but one day it wouldn't matter. Because the essence of living is to be desirable in the eyes of God. And, THAT, I have to convince myself! (hehe)..

For this month of my birth, let me answer the same question we were asked during our batch reunion... WHAT AM I AND WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

Well, aside from my occasional problems in vanity, I have gone this far in life happy and at peace.

More than three decades gone by, I certainly have gone wiser. But it's not wise to think that I'm all that wiser. There will always be mistakes committed along the way, but that's okay. A mistake committed is an opportunity to reap for another wisdom.In every digit added up to my age, I have gone wiser ENOUGH to discover that to "decrease yourself" is the key to real happiness. Taking ourselves highly and prized, massage our egos so constantly, and always feeling the need to "fight for our rights". Oh they sure are perfect ways to hurts and lack of inner peace... Fighting for my rights. I have this inner struggle. Can't tolerate "injustice" and the hell, I will stick to my gun! PRIDE corrupts me. But slowly, I'm perfecting how it is not to sweat the small stuff...

I have learned to "Increase God" and take the limelight away from myself. I am born for God, not for myself. So let it be. From time to time, in my enlightened moments, I have seen the truth in this. In this aspect, I still have so much to explore.

I now understand what my mom told us that hearts don't grow old. I was too young to comprehend, then. I just thought it was an amazing thing to hear. Now, I'm getting more gray hair popping out my crowning glory. I have fine lines that, thank God, I can still manage to minimize. But my heart still feels so young. With all its scars and brokenness, it still feels brand new. Amazing indeed!

It's comforting enough to know that I'm heading on the right track. I am a work in progress..
I guess I'm fine. So, happy birthday to myself!


sardonicnell said...

happy bday to you, loren. i feel you, dear. as i just turned 30 last month. and sabi ko nga sa bday entry ko non --- i am thirty. not old, not even slightly. so you should feel the same way. besides, age doesn't matter these days unless we're retiring. hahaha!

ps: it's my pleasure to link your blog on my site. God bless ;)

sand_scribbles said...

I guess so, Nell. Maybe I need a constant reminder that age doesn't matter. It's how you look when you reach the age.. and how you feel about yourself, too.. Oh here I go again, hahah!.. Thanks!

Muhammad Yaqoob said...

sorry being late "A very Happy Birthday To You"...the blog is very nice.

coffee_nook said...

Hi. Thanks for dropping by!

piebuko said...

Hi loren! your link did not appear on your post. I'll be happy to include you in my blogroll as well. sorry po i couldn't get back to u early. dami work kasi. thanks for the comments!